Checking in

It’s been a long long time since I wrote but I’ve been worrying all along that I am not writing. I don’t do and I worry that I don’t do. I don’t exercise for a week and I feel lousy all week that I am not exercising. Somehow it is easier to continue to feel lousy about something, than to do it.

I’ve made my laziest meals the past few months upcycling old chappathis into kothu chappathis, making back-to-back idli-dosai-dosai meals, skipping chutney and dishing out milagai podi every possible instance (so much so that my milagai podi is nearly over and I need to make it again), making maggi a regular weekday dinner, running through eggs and bread and letting the veggies get old. I’ve not cooked a meal worthy of being blogged about. I’ve been engulfed in work.

In between I managed to go on a family vacation-cum-pilgrimage to Mookambika, Kollur and Bekal (travel post coming soon).

On vacations I like to take my planner and make bucket lists. I saw the bucket list that I’d made on last year’s vacation.

  • I wanted to learn swimming
  • Lose 18 kilos with an additional if-clause item that IF I lose that weight I get to buy new clothes
  • Blog 5 times a week and
  • Reach a 100000 followers. I had 1340 followers then.

Instead of writing a fresh list, I edited the old one.

  • I’d lost 5 kilos. I needed to lose 13 more kilos. In my mind I knew I’d be fine with 7-8 kilos
  • I still want to learn swimming.
  • I wanted to blog 5 times a week but I had blogged once in 5 weeks. So I tried to calculate an optimistic average of the two and decided I wanted to blog 2 times a week.
  • I have 1683 followers now, so I made a 50% discount on the followers list and set it at 50000 followers.

If I follow this correcting trend I am sure my expectations and reality will converge in a few years. The one thing I’ve been able to do on that list – I haven’t bought new clothes. I am still wearing Patiala pants and puff sleeve salwar long after it disappeared from the scene.

I wanted to come clean about my project 50k with you guys. I haven’t yet reached 50k, slightly short – about 13 kilos. I planned to lose 18 kilos in 6 months. I had been reading too many before/after success stories. I managed to lose 5 kilos in the first 4 months and then I’ve been pretty much at the same spot for 8 months or so. I haven’t been as disciplined as I planned to. I wanted to think about weight-loss as a simple linear function. I did not factor in life.

I did not factor in long, frustrating work days at the end of which all I wanted was maggi. I’d not go all out and eat Maggi and be done with it. I would eat half of a maggi pack trying to walk the middle path, feel too hungry and eat a little of a half dozen other things.

I did not factor in my social calendar. My completely empty social calendar suddenly fills up with back to back wedding and engagement functions the week I start personal training. Do they know I signed up for personal training after spending a year thinking about it?

I went on a keto diet for a few weeks not realizing that carbs are part of my genetic makeup. I enthusiastically ate all the eggs I could. I longingly looked at the rasam rice in a friend’s lunch box. I was either too early or too late. I had to rack my brain to find a keto compliant food for my next meal. I had no options at Saravana Bhavan. I would have had to buy my groceries on Amazon instead of the annachi kadai. Till the very end, I couldn’t figure out when to cut open an avocado.

 

In these times, I think it is especially important to share stories of imperfection, of effort, of not-so-successful attempts. It is okay. If you’ve been pegging away at something but haven’t made the kind of progress you hoped for, take heart. You’re not alone. Forgive yourself. Take a small break. Re-focus and restart. Good luck!

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Leave a Reply