Wife Vs Husband

It was our 5th wedding anniversary last Sunday. We spent our anniversary in Hyderabad where we’d gone for a dear friend’s wedding. We pretty much ate ourselves dizzy at Paradise in Hyderabad. It’s really a mammoth 3-storeyed biryani paradise that serves really excellent Hyderabadi Biryani.  On the eve of our 5th wedding anniversary, I think it’s only fitting that I write this wife Vs Husband special. Don’t worry – It’s not a lovey-dovey note to Jagan on what a great husband he’s been and how lucky I am and the likes. You know me. We’re not facebook couples (you know the ones who don’t say it to their husband/wife sitting right next to them, but post those syrupy things on facebook for everybody to see).  This post is anything but that. I am taking a dig at my husband’s beloved routines here. To balance it out I’ll also record some of my quirks that drives him up the wall.  
1.      Is TV watching a basic qualification for being a husband? No wonder, the husbands have a TV put up in every room of the house (Joint family dynamics). He wakes up to “Just for laughs” and sleeps to the sounds of “Destroyed in seconds”. What’s even worse is we cannot watch the same TV channel. Car chases and huge airplanes going up in flames don’t interest me and he snores the minute I switch to TLC or MasterChef. The only programme that we both enjoy watching together is “Two and a half men”.


2.      We don’t even share the same temperature range. He turns the AC to the coldest level possible and happily snores away. As soon as he sleeps, I fish out the remote and switch it off. When it gets too warm, he wakes up and switches it back on. When it turns cold, I switch it off. On, Off, On, Off we go all night.
3.      What’s it with men and clothes? He is incapable of putting away his clothes. He won’t hang them, he won’t throw them in the laundry basket either. They’d lie on the floor or the chair and looking at them I can make out exactly where he stood, which direction he was facing while he was undressing. My most favourite part in Karate kid is when Jackie Chan makes Jaden Smith do the coat hanging routine – put on coat, drop it down, pick it up, hang it, again put it on, drop it, pick it up and hang it. Again and Again and Again. Time Jagan learnt some Karate too.
4.      I envy the girls whose boyfriends/husbands wait outside the trial room ready with the next sized top. Mine hates going shopping with me. He gets fidgety the minute we enter the store and 15 minutes is his threshold before he starts hustling me. I like to go around the place a few times to get it all in and that annoys him no end. I anyway pick the one I first choose but I need to be sure.
5.      He cannot have enough of Nerf Guns and remote controlled cars/helicopters and now with the kids he has an excuse. He feels the same way about my crockery shopping. He cannot understand the need for another white bowl or another Thali plate.
Jagan’s POV
1.      I don’t ever charge my phone. Many a times I wouldn’t even know my phone’s dead until Jagan sends me an e-mail at work. After reminding me, mailing me, demonstrating how a phone is to be charged and shouting in frustration he has now taken it upon himself to charge it up. See, you stick with something long enough, you can even get your husband to do some work. It’s all about persistence.
2.      I always leave doors open and that drives him nuts what with his AC mania. With kids trailing behind you, it’s hardly possible to close the door behind you every time.
3.      Sitting in the passenger seat while I drive is the one of the hardest things for Jagan. Although I am a pretty good driver (read my Driving for Dummies and you’ll know), he grits his teeth and claims I drive like an auto driver and laments the state of my car’s clutch plates. To his credit, he drives great and parks like a pro.
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